The Legend of Skittlzz: Chasing the Rainbow
by When-turtles-strike-back
Summary: This hurts my insides...like brain melting ACID! okay so this fic is creative diareahh arrg how do you spell diariah, why can't you spell check summaries i sort of had this brain hemmorage awhile back, and Skittlzz the white rapper was born.i hurt


**THIS IS FOR _YOU_!**

**AND _YOU_ KNOW WHO _YOU_ ARE! _YOU_ PERSISTENT RETAIL WORKER!**

A/N Okay so umm, this makes me cringe a little inside, not really the vision I had of Skittlzz, but I was taking to damn long in writing his story, so this is how it must start cuz this is all the imagination I can muster up. Now I love Skittlzz, he is possibly my favorite thing ever, and I hope that as I write him I will get my creative soul (haha creative soul sounds like I'm writing something important) back from the underworld it has retreated. Be nice to Skittlzz it's not his fault he has a lame introduction.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the character Draco Malfoy or the brand name skittles or the phrase taste the rainbow.

**The Legend of**

**Skittlzz**

**Chapter One**

He walked down the random busy hall in the castle Hogwarts moving to some hip hop beat unheard to those around him. All of them stared, in wonder, in awe, in… utter confusion. The students, teachers, ghosts, and other various creatures of Hogwarts didn't know what to think of the spectacular spectacle that they were now witnessing. It was a display of sheer stupidity, they didn't know what it was exactly, but they knew that it certainly looked something like stupidity.

"Yo ma bitchez, wut you lookin at, see sumfin ya like, pop a cap in all yo assiz"

It was… Draco Malfoy, strutting down the corridor hand clutching the crotch of his baggy jeans ever so slightly. His jeans were atrocious, hanging at least five inches off of his backside, his N'sync fan boxers in plain sight. He wore a baggy white t-shirt decaled with the face of some angry looking African American guy in bad need of a satisfactory dentist. He also wore a gi-normous gold chain, with what looked to be a gold plated rainbow dangling from it, around his pasty neck. To top the look off his hair was tight against his scalp in a sort of cornrow fashion. He had gone… wigger.

"Draco there you are, I was like looking for you like all over everywhere", Pansy Parkinson had popped up in front of him like an inflatable doll, talking to him like a giddy middle schooler completely oblivious to his obvious change in décor.

"Yo ho, ma name ain't Draco nomo"

"huh"

"Itz Skittlzz—S ta da K ta da I ta da double T L Zees"

"umm okay… I don't understand you very good"

"Bitchizzle, da I have ta spell it fo you"

"Actually I think you tried… its was wrong sounding by the way"

Than Draco… err Skittlzz pushed Pansy out of his face. He crouched in a weird almost sumo style stance, his hand chopping the air like some deranged woodsman. He than held his other hand (the one that had been clutching his junk like he had to pee badly) to his mouth and started making strange chkrieking bmpm sounds.

"Are you having stroke or something, cause my uncle had one of those and they're bad, does your left arm hurt"

"_HO ma name iz Skittlzz_

_wit two zees see_

_I say it dat way_

_ Cuz Draco sounds gay"_

"Huh what… OMG your GAY", Pansy shrieked in tormented pain, "It must be a mistake", her pain at the news was more tormented than usual, but than she could see the truth behind his confession, "It does make sense, you are very pretty, and you do love to shop"

Skittlzz jumped away from her, horrified, "Whut no", he looked at her like you would look at someone with leprosy, disgusted while secretly searching for falling parts, " I ain't no homo, you crazy ho… ma _name _wuz gay, no rapper eva had the name Draco, Itz Skittlzz now… itz mo ghetto"

Pansy looked confused for a short while, but as Pansy was often confused it wasn't that traumatizing for her, "Ooers like the candy… that's so so so cute"

Skittlzz reacted again like leprosy had sprung up on Pansy's pug of a face, "Not like da candy bitch… and no way is it cute itz hard core gangsta just like m&m's"

"Umm if you say so", Pansy smiled moronically for a bit, "If your named Skittlzz why do your teeth say Juicy Fruit all over them"

Skittlzz blushed slightly, looked around to make sure no one noticed than tried to save face, "Dat's ma grill… izzle", he really had tried to not show his teeth to much, was it his fault his parents refused to get him a proper one so he had been forced to get creative, and creative was not one of his strong suits.

"Really what's a grill", Pansy squished her squashed face like she was thinking real hard, or maybe constipated, but either way she still had to think real hard, "Oh it's like a Juicy Fruit wrapper when you put it over your teeth"

Skittlzz tried to do the manly thing and cover up embarrassment with anger towards women, "Fuck you, you a fucking stupid bitch", Skittlzz felt that he needed to add something more to make the words truly insulting, "fo shizzle"

Unfortunately Pansy was much to unsmart to realize that his words were insulting, and instead took them as a term of endearment, like when boys call you a whore they really mean your sexy. "Oh you sweetie", she said lovingly, "your so romantic"

Skittlzz looked at her like she had grown a second head, but pansy didn't see this, "Anyway, I came over here to ask you if you wanted to meet me in hogsmeade tomorrow, I'll let you get to third base"

Than suddenly Skittlzz was again with the stroking sounds and the demonic woodsmen chopping motions.

_"You wanna be ma ho_

_Hustle & flow, but _

_I don't know_

_You got wut it take_

_Ta taste da Rainbow"_

Pansy looked at Skittlzz as if she had just heard the most insulting words ever uttered to a girl, "eww Draco, or Skittlzz or whoever, if you think I'm going to let you stick your thing in my mouth you are mistaken sir", she gagged a bit in her throat, "I don't do blow jobs, my mommy says that's how girls get herpes… but I'll let you do me in my butt—that way I'm still a virgin for my husband"

"Yah whateva ya want boo, meet you behind the bushes beside the three broomstick"

"Yup", said Pansy happily, "Just like usual"

TBC

Okay sorry if that was dirty—I think that was probably the dirtiest I ever got for fanfic—like Xtina dirty lol. But seriously I've always seen Pansy as a dirty little skank, who takes classes on how to be a dirty little skank, I also kind of picture her as one of those bobble headed mutant pageant kids, yah know with big hair and enough make up to make a perfectly cute seven year old look like a thirty year old circus freak *shudder* pageant kids scare me almost as much as their mothers…. Umm okay so this is getting to be long and rambley so I go now.

_when-turtles-strike-back_


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